Force of Forgiveness

by Vedran
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A few years ago, going through many personal changes, I was constantly searching for someone to blame and make responsible for my own failures.

In this toxic state of mind, in my twisted perspective, and as a result of many limiting beliefs, childhood conditioning, buried traumas and fears, I was creating a lot of reasons for deep unhappiness, sadness and anger in my life. Between the high expectations of other people, who I thought were supposed to provide me with everything I needed for a fulfilling and successful life and my own imperfections, I developed a lot of addictions and was set on the highway of burn-out and huge personal crisis. Trying to get more and more "stuff" to feed my unbalanced ego I was forgetting the very reason for my own existence. And there, in the moments of extreme despair, my hurt and bleeding Soul found a little crack in my broken personality, showing me the healing light of a forgotten path of Forgiveness.
There was a place in me that said, life is not about survival, it's not only about sex or addictions, not about being a victim. Life is about love and sharing the infinite potential of the divine spark that we all are. This understanding was followed by the realization that under the layers of conditioning and fears there is a place of peace and stillness. There is a being, a pure state of consciousness, a healer and guide, waiting for me to open up and expand.
A force beyond the understanding of my intellect took part in my personal healing and raised my consciousness to another level. I realized that I needed to forgive everyone who failed to understand me, to forgive them for the roles they played so I could learn a needed lesson in this school called Life. I realized that, ultimately, by forgiving others I forgive my own self for living in an illusion of Ego and separateness. The Love I was desperately seeking in the outside world was always here, the foundation stone of my own being. I also realized that the only way out is the way in.
Shifting perspectives, from the place of a victim to the place of a spiritual being having a human experience, I knew that there was no outside force that can be responsible for the state of my inner being and that the bridge between my lower and higher selves is Forgiveness.
Through hours spent in silence, prayer and self inquiry, with the intention to forgive and heal, I found a place of eternal grace from within.
A place where there is no judgement, no good or bad, no evil.
A place beyond the intellect, mind or words.
A place where we are never separate, an absolute place of Oneness.
A place of Unconditional Love.  
I am not defined by my past or my future, nor by the thoughts that other people have about me. I am defined by my self, my heart, my love for others and love for my own Soul. Giving my whole being to that realization has become my life purpose. Sharing and giving without any expectations has become the nurturing energy for my Soul.
Still at times the pattern of my old perspective arises on the screen of my consciousness, but it's almost instantaneously noted and discarded with love and compassion. In those moments I can hear the magical words of the ancient Hawaiian Ho'oponopono prayer resonate deeply in my heart helping me come back to balance.
I am sorry,
Please forgive me,
Thank You,
I love You.